Bed Rest, Day 10
Baby’s Gestational Age: 28 weeks, 5 days
Reading: Steve Jobs biography; assorted magazines
Watching: Arrested Development, Season 1; The Big C, Season 1
Being constantly thwarted watching: The View
Not watching because the hospital doesn’t have a channel they really, absolutely, definitely should have: Bravo
Say WHAT?
Use it as a jumping off point.
You’re bound to think I made some of these up for comedic effect but I want to assure you that each and every one of them has been said to me in the last 10 days.
Yes, even #1.
And #2.
And to the person who said #3. You know who you are. And you bet your ass I’m gonna get even with you one day.
Top 10 Things NOT to Say To A Person on Hospital Bed Rest
10. It is a BEAUTIFUL day outside.
9. You wouldn’t believe the steak I had last night.
8. What a great opportunity to catch up on your TV!
7. At least you don’t have to worry about going to the gym.
6. Wow. You’re not gonna see your dogs for months.
5. You must really miss your bed at home.
4. How are you? (Slight pause) Weeelllll, I’ve got the flu again.
3. I just had 2 Patron shots in your honor.
2. Is the baby gonna have a lot of problems if he’s born this early?
1. I’m pretty sure I got MERSA when I was in the hospital.
11. Do they make you wear a hospital gown everyday?
They don’t. But I was a little ill-prepared for this. I thought I had 3 more months to get something decent for the hospital.
Oh well, that’s what internet shopping is for. It just takes a bit to get here…
Watch them not fit.
Your hair looks nice!
Dang, (deletes draft of message I was working on…)…
I have a guess on #3. The same person who frantically took a Patron shot before a dry rehearsal dinner hosted by a minister just before said hostess arrived…
I feel like this could only be one person but he doesn’t have a memory of it. Although maybe that can be explained by the Patron shots.
I can not get past the no Bravo situation. That is beyond cruel. Beyond.
AND they supposedly have Lifetime but the channel NEVER works. And they call themselves a hospital.
Best worst list ever.
: )
THAT cheers me up!
No lie… I am a wee bit overtired… but last night I got a little choked up. Because for fuck’s sake I even watch the commercials on Bravo even when I watch recorded garbage!!! And while I recognize it is possible to gestate a child without the help of any housewives or Brad Goreski it just seems so wrong… so very, very wrong. Andy Cohen sends his love. I just can’t stop thinking of you as I watch Bravo… and the guilt. IT CONSUMES ME.
I’m really making up for it now that I’m home. Bravo-depravation is not good for the soul.
i love you. no seriously. i’m going on week 2 of strict bedrest + it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever done. thank you for making me laugh
everyone is so well intentioned, but some of the comments i’ve gotten lately have made me want to rant + rave like a crazy lady. love your blog + sense of humor in the face of all this… my first son was born at 35 weeks + 3 days & we still faced a week of that roller-coaster NICU ride. you are a rockstar, Toulouse.
No, I love YOU! You have quite the challenge ahead of you. Remember, it’s all a mental game. NEVER think beyond the day you’re in. You can get through one day, after all. Take each one as it comes.
You’ll get no platitudes from me about how you’re doing it all for a good cause. OF COURSE YOU ARE. It’s still HARD, for God’s sake.
Let me know if you want any more tips about how to stay sane, and I wish you all the luck in the world.